


There's one thing everybody knows about unicorns (but everybody is wrong)

by Roshwen



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Because it's what he does, Even though all of this may or may not be Jenkins' fault in the first place, Everybody loves chocolate milk, Ezekiel messes with Jake, Fairytale creaturers included, Gen, Humor, slight crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-09 21:26:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12284706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roshwen/pseuds/Roshwen
Summary: There's a unicorn outside Ezekiel's cabin and it wants chocolate milk. Who is Ezekiel to say no?





	There's one thing everybody knows about unicorns (but everybody is wrong)

There was a unicorn outside his cabin.

Ezekiel blinked and put the mug of chocolate milk he’d just made for himself down on the counter. He blinked again, rubbed a hand over his eyes and looked back out of the window, just in case this was some new kind of after-nightmare hallucination.

It wasn’t.

There was a little clearing around the cabin, which was one of Ezekiel’s five locations (not homes, he hadn’t had a home since he was five) in Portland. It wasn’t the most secure (that would be a decommissioned military bunker he ‘acquired’ a couple of months after he started working for the Library), or the most comfortable (that would be his condo downtown, with a kingsize bed, the best home cinema set stolen money could buy and his favorite pizza place just a five minute delivery away), or the easiest to reach (he also had a room at the Annex, which did not require him to hike ten minutes to the nearest place he could park his car). But it was quiet and cosy and, and that was the important bit tonight, the least like a top secret military facility where government scientists could accidentally create a Videogame From Hell.

Inside the cabin, there were wooden floors and ceilings, stone walls and an old leather couch on a threadbare carpet. There was only one light which gave off a meager orange glow, and everything smelled a little dusty, but it was a far cry from polished white linoleum floors and walls, glaring blue lights and the biting smell of chemicals. Outside it was completely dark and the only sounds were those of nighttime critters and birds Ezekiel didn’t recognize and that of the wind rustling through the trees. Not the screams of his friends or the roaring of rage people. It was peaceful. Calming. Exactly what he needed when his nerves had been on edge all day and he knew there would be at least one nightmare slash panic attack waiting for him when he got to bed.

Well, the nightmare had come but the panic attack that usually followed hadn’t, and he had just made himself some chocolate milk to celebrate when he looked out of the window and saw _something_ come out of the trees. Something that was almost as tall as Ezekiel and which moved towards the cabin like it was made out of liquid moonlight, bathing everything around it in a silver glow. Ezekiel’s hand was already reaching for the gun drawer, because he was still a bit shook up and sometimes reflexes took over, when the creature turned and he saw the unmistakable shape of a white horse with a two foot horn jutting out from its forehead.

Ezekiel closed the gun drawer again and hurried outside. The grass was icy against his bare feet and a cold breeze tingled against his skin causing goosebumps, but he didn’t care. He didn’t even know if he could even get close, because whatever Stone might say about him never opening a book, Ezekiel wasn’t stupid. After all, there was a lot of lore on the internet too and Ezekiel started his research the same day he came to the Library. There was no way he was going into this job blind, and there was no way he was just going to trust the knowledge of a hot cowboy and a cranky grandpa without at least trying to check the facts for himself. And one of the things he had found out, was that there were a couple of things everybody knew about unicorns.

Still. Even if the unicorn wouldn’t let him come any closer, it was a _unicorn_ right outside his _cabin_ and Ezekiel would be damned if he stayed inside.

He didn’t have to worry though. As soon as the unicorn spotted him, it turned around and trotted towards Ezekiel, soundlessly and with his hooves barely touching the grass. Ezekiel didn’t move, _couldn’t_ move, even when the unicorn lowered its head and the impressive horn seemed to be aimed straight at Ezekiel’s chest. He just stood there, rooted to the spot and his gaze transfixed on the majestic creature in front of him. At the last moment, the horn angled upwards again and the unicorn came to a halt, standing so close that Ezekiel only had to reach out a hand to touch him. He did so slowly, hesitantly, not quite sure he wasn’t still dreaming. The feel of horse hair under his hands was real enough however, even though Ezekiel had never actually seen a horse up close, let alone touch one (yeah Stone, he was a city boy. So what). He gave it a careful pat on the head, half expecting the unicorn to shy away at his touch or even to bolt for the trees again. When the unicorn didn’t move, Ezekiel reached out again and started stroking the creature’s neck, the way he’d seen people do in those old western movies. It was warm and solid, the mane a little rougher than he had expected from a creature that looked like it was made out of pure magic. Ezekiel didn’t mind though. Entranced, he stepped a little closer, letting his hands wander from the creature’s neck to its shoulder. Up close, it was a little smaller than he first thought, but just as Ezekiel started to wonder if he could actually try and climb upon the unicorn’s back, he felt a tingle in his arm and heard a voice in his head say _Not a chance, human._

Ezekiel turned and saw the unicorn was watching him. Ezekiel hadn’t known horses could look amused, but this one somehow managed it. Its ears were pricked forward and there was a gleam in those deep brown eyes that gave Ezekiel the distinct impression the unicorn was laughing at him.

He stepped back. ‘You can talk?’

The impression of being laughed at grew stronger. The unicorn stepped closer and nudged Ezekiel with its nose. There was another tingle and then: _As long as you’re touching me, yes. The magic horse can talk. Now, where’s my chocolate milk?_

Okay, so Ezekiel was standing outside his cabin in the dead of night, talking to a unicorn that apparently was only there because it wanted chocolate milk. The sense of wonder slightly abated and was replaced by a bubbling amusement. A grin spread across Ezekiel’s face as he put a hand on the unicorn’s neck again. ‘Who told you I would have chocolate milk?’

The unicorn snorted. _I could smell it from the other end of the forest. And Galeas told me your chocolate milk is better than his and that_ _you_ _wouldn’t mind sharing._

It took Ezekiel a second to recognize the name. ‘You know Jenkins?’ he asked. Then the second sentence registered and his grin got even wider. ‘Jenkins said something nice about me?’

 _Oh_ _right, you call him Jenkins. And yes, he did. He seemed pretty fond of you, or else I wouldn’t have come._

Huh. While it was undoubtedly true that Ezekiel’s chocolate milk was miles better than that brown water Jenkins liked to call ‘a nice cup of cocoa’, Ezekiel had never thought the old knight would admit that to anyone else. Let alone send an actual talking unicorn his way to come and get a taste of his own. Knowing Jenkins, Ezekiel mused, this was either some kind of really subtle revenge because of one of his recent awesome antics, or an incredibly kind gesture because Jenkins had figured out about his nightmares.

It might even be both. It probably was both.

Getting impatient, the unicorn started to scrape with his hooves and shook his head in an attempt to headbutt Ezekiel with his horn. _Chocolate milk, human. Chop chop._

Ezekiel ducked aside to evade the spike almost taking out his eye. ‘Okay, okay, keep your hair on. I’ll get you your chocolate milk.’

He went inside and came back out a couple of minutes later with the pot he used to brew his chocolate milk. ‘Careful,’ he warned when the unicorn trotted over and almost stuck his entire head straight into the pot, ‘it’s been on the stove this entire time. It’s hot.’

The unicorn looked up. _On the stove? You mean it’s REAL chocolate milk?_

Ezekiel almost laughed at the joyful surprise in the unicorn’s voice. ‘Yeah, it’s real. Real milk, real chocolate, a little cinnamon and some other spices to give it a bit of a kick. Beats instant cocoa any day.’

At that, the unicorn reared up and Ezekiel had to take a step back if he didn’t want to get kicked down by a flying hoof. He put the pot on the grass and watched in amazement how the unicorn came down after prancing around the clearing two or three times, quickly stuck its nose in the pot and started to drink with the sound of someone negotiating the last bit of milkshake into a straw. The pot was empty in seconds, even though Ezekiel had made enough chocolate milk to last him another nightmare filled week.

When all the chocolate milk was gone, the unicorn looked at Ezekiel again, who tried not to laugh at the weirdest chocolate mustache he had ever seen. The unicorn walked over and nudged his arm again. _Can I come back tomorrow?_ it asked, politer than it had been all evening. Apparently it had really liked Ezekiel’s recipe.

‘Sure,’ Ezekiel said. After all, who was he to say no to a fairytale creature?

* * *

 The next day, Ezekiel had a quiet word with Jenkins first. Then he spent the rest of the day reading, which made Cassandra smile and Jake throw him insultingly surprised looks. Because as wonderful as last night had been, there was still something not quite right about it. After all, there was one thing everybody knew about unicorns and according to lore, Ezekiel should not have been able to approach it, let alone touch it, talk to it or offer it chocolate milk.

Talking to Jenkins cleared up a couple of things, and the book Jenkins gave him was even more helpful. Surprisingly enough, it turned out that things you found on the internet might not be right after all.

As the day went on, and Stone kept piling more and more books on his desk ‘because now you’ve started finally readin’ stuff, you might as well do it properly’, an idea struck Ezekiel. He looked at the text he was reading. Then he looked at the pile of books next to him, which all seemed to be about famous thieves and criminals (huh). Then he looked at Stone, who was not-so-surreptitiously watching him from his desk. Then he grinned.

He was going to have some fun.

* * *

 That evening, when the unicorn returned, Ezekiel was already waiting outside. It came cantering out of the forest and skidded to a halt in front of Ezekiel. _Chocolate milk!_

Ezekiel smiled. ‘You’re gonna get it, I promise. But first, I want to make a deal.’

* * *

 ‘Jones, where the hell are we going?’ Jake asked as he helped Cassandra from the truck. It was already dark, so Ezekiel couldn’t see Jake’s face but he could hear the scowl clearly.

‘I told you mate,’ Ezekiel replied, switching on his flashlight and guiding Jake and Cassandra towards the track leading to his cabin. ‘Got something to show you at the cottage.’

‘I didn’t know you had a cottage,’ Cassandra said as she gripped Jake’s arm tight to avoid tripping over a tree root. ‘Why do you have a cottage in the middle of the forest?’

‘Good question,’ Jake said. He still sounded like he was scowling. ‘And when you say _cottage in the forest_ , are you sure you don’t mean _cabin in the woods_?’

Cassandra giggled and Ezekiel couldn’t resist. He turned around and put the flashlight under his chin, so his face lit up like something straight out of a nightmare. He gave them his evilest smirk, making Cassandra squeal and cling to Jake even tighter. ‘It's okay, Stone. I promise I’ll leave your body somewhere easy to find,’ Ezekiel said in his best serial killer voice.

Cassandra giggled and Jake rolled his eyes, shaking his head and clearly reconsidering this entire thing. Ezekiel couldn’t have that, so he turned and pointed the flashlight forward again. ‘Come on, we don’t wanna be late.’

‘Late for what?’ Jake growled, still irritated but also still following along the track so Ezekiel took the win. ‘You’ll see,’ he said.

They hiked up the rest of the track in grumpy silence (Jake), occasional ghost noises (Ezekiel) and cries of ‘whoops’ and ‘whoa’ (Cassandra. The girl was not made for midnight hikes through dense forests). When they arrived at the clearing though, Jake gave a bark of laughter. ‘Yeah, that’s definitely a cabin in the woods, Jones.’

‘Just stay here,’ Ezekiel replied as he quickly went inside to put the chocolate milk on the stove. When he came back outside, Cassandra was pointing up to the sky and talking a mile a minute about some constellation or other while Jake just stood there smiling at her, not paying any attention to the stars whatsoever. Ezekiel smiled at the sight as well. He should have known that taking two people who were clearly head over heals for each other to a moonlit clearing in the middle of the forest would lead to more romantic cliches.

Well, Jake was just going to have to keep it in his pants a little longer. He cleared his throat and when they looked up, motioned Jake and Cassandra over to the tiny porch. ‘Best wait here,’ he told them in a dramatic whisper when they stood next to him.

‘Wait for what, Jones,’ Jake whispered back. Cassandra was also looking at him but Ezekiel shushed Jake and started staring intently at the edge of the trees.

They didn’t have to wait long. After a couple of minutes, a white glow appeared between the trees, swiftly followed by the unicorn itself. It stepped gingerly onto the clearing and Ezekiel heard Cassandra gasp, followed by Stone softly swearing under his breath. Ezekiel watched with a sense of renewed wonder how the unicorn moved towards them, every motion fluid perfection and grace.

‘That is one mighty fine horse,’ Jake whispered, his accent coming in thick in the way it only did when he got emotional.

The unicorn whinnied softly and even though Ezekiel was too far away for any kind of telepathic connection, the words _I’m not a horse, cowboy_ _human_ suddenly floated through his mind and he had to suppress a laugh.

‘Don’t call him that,’ he muttered, ‘he doesn’t like being called a horse.’

That made Cassandra look up. ‘How do you know?’ she asked, her big blue eyes shining with wonder. Instead of answering, Ezekiel smiled and stepped down from the porch. He walked over to the unicorn, greeting it with a soft ‘hey’ and letting it nuzzle his outstretched hand. _Hello, friend of Galeas. Are these your friends?_

‘Yeah,’ Ezekiel said softly, so that Jake and Cassandra wouldn’t hear. ‘Just do as I asked you and the chocolate milk is all yours.’

 _Very well,_ the unicorn replied and raised its head to look at the porch. Ezekiel turned around too and grinned at the stunned disbelief he saw there. Cassandra’s mouth was a perfect O and Jake’s eyes were bulging like they would fall out of his sockets at any moment.

‘Why don’t you come over here,’ Ezekiel said, still grinning. He didn’t need to tell them twice: Cassandra’s practically bounded off the porch with Jake following behind her. Within seconds she crossed the clearing and was standing next to Ezekiel, an unspoken question written in huge letters across her face. Ezekiel put his hand on the small of her back, silently urging her closer, but before she could reach out and touch the unicorn, it suddenly reared up, making both Cassandra and Ezekiel stumble backwards. The unicorn reared again, ears flattened against its head and whinnying furiously. When it came down, snorting and clawing at the ground so that clumps of grass flew everywhere, it kept shying away when Ezekiel tried to approach it again.

‘Ezekiel?’ Cassandra asked in a small voice, ‘why is it doing this? What’s wrong?’

‘Easy now,’ Ezekiel muttered to the unicorn, ‘easy, easy now.’ He turned to Cassandra and gave her a worried look. ‘I’m not sure. He’s never done this before.’

Then he looked at Jake, who was standing behind Cassandra, looking like he desperately wanted to come closer and calm the unicorn down with whatever cowboy tricks he had up his sleeve. ‘Perhaps it doesn’t like cowboys,’ Ezekiel said with a smile that was only half apologetic.

As if on cue, the unicorn stilled. It took a step towards Ezekiel, still carefully trying not to come any closer to Jake or Cassandra. Ezekiel reached out and patted the silky white neck, softly murmuring soothing words. Then he fell quiet.

‘Ah,’ he said softly before looking at Jake. ‘Stone, I’m sorry mate. I think you better get back to the porch.’ Trying not to laugh out loud at the sudden look of heartbreak on Jake’s face, he turned to Cassandra. ‘Cass, you can stay here.’

It was a bit of a gamble, but it paid off immediately. Jake frowned, looking from Cassandra to the unicorn and back and Ezekiel could practically see the first penny drop. Then Jake looked from the unicorn to Ezekiel and the second penny dropped with a _thunk_ that was almost audible. Jake’s eyes grew wide and for moment he just stared at Ezekiel with his mouth opening and closing like a fish taken out of the water.

‘Sorry cowboy,’ Ezekiel said, quirking his mouth in what he hoped was an apologetic and innocent way. ‘He really doesn’t want you anywhere near him.’

Jake’s mouth snapped shut. After one last glare at Ezekiel he turned on his heels and marched back to the porch, grumbling under his breath all the way. Ezekiel was glad Jake couldn’t see his face at the moment, because he knew his innocent mask was slipping and he was watching the guy go with a smirk that would immediately give the game away. Cassandra didn’t look happy, though. She was watching Jake’s back with a mixture of pity and worry, the unicorn momentarily forgotten.

Well, that was not on. ‘He’ll be okay,’ Ezekiel told her softly, putting a hand on her shoulder so she would look at him. ‘But why can’t he...’ she started, before she blushed fiercely and clasped a hand to her mouth. ‘Oh!’

Ezekiel grinned. ‘Yeah, the cowboy’s not exactly qualified to come anywhere near a unicorn now, is he?’

‘But...’ Cassandra started again, looking at Ezekiel and frowning in confusion. Ezekiel let his grin grow wider and gave her an exaggerated wink, then turned around quickly because the dawning understanding in her eyes almost made him double over with laughter. ‘OH!’ she breathed and a grin spread across her face that almost matched Ezekiel’s. ‘Oh no, Ezekiel, he’s going to _kill_ you,’ she whispered, her shoulders shaking with suppressed giggles as well.

Ezekiel wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her back to the unicorn, which was waiting patiently. Cassandra reached out and giggled again as it nuzzled her hand, while Ezekiel watched her with a smile that was still half at Jake’s expense, and half fondness at the pure wonder and joy on Cassandra’s face as she carefully started to stroke the unicorn’s neck. ‘I know,’ he murmured into her ear, shooting a glance back at the porch where Jake was watching them with such longing that Ezekiel almost started to feel a little sorry for the guy. Almost.

Then Cassandra, both hands now buried in the unicorn’s mane, looked up at him with a spark in her eyes. ‘You know I’m not actually qualified either, right?’ she said, voice bubbling with laughter and Ezekiel decided that yes, Jake was going to kill him but it was absolutely worth it.

* * *

 The reckoning came just two days later. Ezekiel and Cassandra were in the Library’s brand new IT room, busy digitizing Charlene’s account ledgers. It was a mammoth task but, as Ezekiel eloquently put it: ‘at least it’s something to do until the next magical apocalypse.’ Plus it was a boring job that still required a lot of attention to detail, so Ezekiel could not let his mind wander off to, say, memories of his friends dying in a hundred creative ways. It was quiet in here, with only the rustling of paper and the soft humming of his computer.

Or at least, it was quiet until there was a roar of anger outside and Cassandra looked up at Ezekiel with a wicked grin. ‘Oh, I forgot to tell you,’ she said, the innocent tone of her voice completely belied by the smirk, ‘I think I saw Jake talking to Jenkins earlier. Something about whether certain details in folklore were true or not?’

Ezekiel’s chair clattered to the ground as he bolted from the room and fled for the Library. He almost made it to the Ancient Sumeria section before running footsteps gained on him, a heavy southern voice bellowed: ‘JONES!’ and he was brought down by a flying tackle from behind, still laughing all the way.

**Author's Note:**

> Pssst... if you do not know the one thing everybody knows about unicorns: the legend is that they can only be tamed/approached/mounted by virgins. My guess? That's what I would say too if I wanted everybody to leave me the fuck alone.


End file.
